i'm left here with the question of just

what have i to show except the promises I never kept?

i lie here shaking on this bed, under the weight of my regrets

rhetoric can't raise the dead

i'm sick of always talking when there's no change

rhetoric can't raise the dead

i'm sick of empty words, let's lead and not follow

look around and you'll see that at times it feels like no one really cares

it gets me down but i'm still gonna try to do what's right,

i hope that i will never let you down

i know that this can be more than just flashing lights and sound.

Once on a yellow piece of paper with green lines

he wrote a poem

And he called it "Chops"

because that was the name of his dog

And thats what it was all about

And his teacher gave him an A

and a gold star

And his mother hung it on the kitchen door

and read it to his aunts

That was the year Father Tracy

took all the kids to the zoo

And he let them sing on the bus

And his little sister was born

with tiny toenails and no hair

And his mother and father kissed alot

And the girl around the corner sent him a

Valentine signed with a row of X's

and he had to ask his father what the X's meant

And his father always tucked him in bed at night

And was always there to do it.

Once on a piece of white paper with blue lines

he wrote a poem

And he called it "Autumn"

because that was the name of the season

And that's what it was all about

And his teacher gave him an A

and asked him to write more clearly

And his mother never hung it on the kitchen door

because of its new paint

And the kids told him

thats Father Tracy smoked cigars

And he left butts on the pews

And sometimes they would burn holes

That was the year his sister got glasses

with thick black frames

And the girl around the corner laughed

when he asked her to go see Santa Claus

And the kids told him why

his mother and father kissed a lot

And his father never tucked him in bed at night

And his father got mad when he cried for him to do it.

Once on a piece of paper torn from his notbook

he wrote a poem

And he called it "Innocence: A Question"

because that was the question about his girl

And that's what it was all about

And his professor gave him an A

and a strange stready look

And his mother never hung it on the kitchen door

because he never showed her

That was the year that Father Tracy died

And he forgot how the end

of the Apostle's went

And he caught his sister

making out on the back porch

And his mother and father never kissed

or even talked

And the girl around the corner

wore too much makeup

That made him cough when he kissed her

but he kissed her anyway

becacuse that was the thing to do

And at three A.M he tucked himself into bed

his father snoring soundly.

That's why on the back of a brown paper bag

he tried another poem

And he called it "Absolutely Nothing"

Because that's what it was really all about

And he gave himself an A

and a slash on each damned wrist

And he hung it on the bathroom door

because he didn't think

he could reach the kitchen.

at this moment there are 6 billion 4 hundred 70 million 8 hundred 18 thousand 6 hundred 71 people in the world.

some, are running scared.

some, are coming home.

some tell lies to make it through the day.

others, are now just facing the truth.

some are evil men at war with good.

and some are good, stuggling with evil.

6 billion people in the world.

6 billion souls.

and sometimes,

all you need is one.

Alright. Shit. Alright. Shit.

Omg so I after I came in, I looked at myself in the mirror and noticed from the side, my nose looks like that of a beak of a falcon. I just spelled beak as beack. Wow. SPELLCHECK.

Anyway, after I looked from the side, I looked on front and thought I looked pretty, but I wish I was Michele Pfieffer when she was younger like in her teens. She was pretty.

Then I wrote this, but before I started writing I cracked my knuckles. But it wasn’t safitsying because…my hands are cold. So I could feel it. I can feel the cold inside of my hands. Its grossing me out.

That was sooooo pointless to write. How DO you explain a feeling.

Omg. I hate this song. Its too loud right now. “I cant get enough of you baby.”

The words are nice. It’s got really cute lyrics, but the MUSIC sounds awful.

Actually I kinda like it.

Good drums.

And good beat.

I think that’s what I meant actually.

w/e

ew I never write it like that. Its always w.e

do I do that?

Or do I just write what ever. Yea I would write the words. But only in this case. Not for other words.

Im lost.

That didn’t make sense.

Im SO hungry!

I wish I had cheesies and orange juice.

Or something really flavourful ARRIBAS CHIPS!

GET THEM NEXT TIME YOU DO THIS!

DUDE I WANT THEM!

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucccccccccccccckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

You know whats weird fuck just means…sex? But yet. It’s a swear word.

How is sex a swear word.

I mean I guess it is for little kids.

But not to adults.

Why was the word fuck invented. Its so rude. But saying sex isn’t.

But it became something we get in trouble for saying.

When really its just a word.

Its just letters put together.

People just made up words.

Like

What if

A tree was the name they gave to what we now call a car?

Like….those two items change words. A tree becomes the name of a car a car becomes the name of a tree.

Get it?

Like……..like we gave them names. Words are just made up so that creatures aka human kind could communicate better. Like we say “could you please move the car?” when we want someone to move it. It’s a short cut so that we don’t have to do what cavemen did like grunt and point. We do it because we know better. Because the human brain is so complex. That’s why religion is crap. We were created by evolution. Not by a god. The only thing that makes me believe in god is where did the creatures come from. But for stupid humans to then go complicate everything and want to kill eachother is because they made it all about them. Gods up there like “youre welcome for giving you life, why cant we you just get along. Theres only one of me. I didn’t send down some stupid messiah. Im the one and only. And I didn’t choose one of you to be able to talk to me. Youre just nuts.” Its like what jim gaffigan said! HES SO RIGHT. He said can you imagine being the first people moses told about talking to god through a bush. They’re reaction would be like sure you did, you know moses we think you’ve been burning a bit of bush.

Hahahahabahaha SO RIGHT. OMG anyway

Laughing is so weird. Its like we write out hahahahahha because that’s what we say when laugh or hehehehe for a giggle. So weird. And like when we are laughing so hard. That’s so weird we don’t make a sound we just vibrate our bodies. Omg I havnt laughed like that in so long. Not since I was friends with D. We laughed till we cried. Or maybe even as long ago as R. I always laugh like that with R. The kind where you hold your stomach and cant breathe. Its so fun!!!!!!  Omg actors have to force laughing. Like imagine doing the same joke over and over. Would it still be funny? No. so like….they pretend to laugh. Omg.

That would be hard. Its sounds so dumb when you fake it. Naturally were like hahaha but acting is like ha ha ha….like more proper….and longer spaces in between each ha.

Wow. Anyway, Im gunna watch Beauty and the Beast and then go to bed.

Nanight.

Title:	December 13th !0:00 PM
Date:	2008-12-15 @ 17:22
Security:	public
Mood:	sad

I am really sad today. And I don’t know why. I’m just in one of those moods. I feel like even though things are going really good for me right now…I’m just sad. And I almost feel like I don’t have a right to be sad. I know its cliché to say, but people out there have far worse lives than I do. They aren’t some spoiled teenager like me who has everything she’s ever wanted. They are people – kids – who have had to rely on no one but themselves their whole life. Who am I to complain? What have I even got to complain about. I have a boyfriend – who by the way kissed someone else tonight. It wasn’t his fault.

Ps its 11: 23 (AHHH)

I said It didn’t bug me, but I so did. She’s 16. And who knows if he led her on. I mean he did say “I have a gf” but still, it just made me feel rotten. I’ve cheated on people. And I’ve cheated on, but for some reason this one just really kinda hurt. To be honest, I’d rather just not know. But anyway, back to the good things in my life. So, I have a bf, I have nice parents, I have a nice house to come home to, I’m healthy… but yet…I’m sad. I haven’t a clue what’s wrong.

Although, I think I know a contributing factor to my sadness. It is my one true love’s birthday tomorrow. Happy birthday, you jackass <3.